Sober for 1000 days

I know, that’s a difficult subject. Especially the AA have a clear stance. They say, that will never work. And they are right. If you are an alcoholic, controlled drinking is nothing else than a never ending fight. But if you are stubborn enough, like me, it can be worth for a while.
I can’t remember when i released the rules a first time. It must be within the first or second year. I allowed me to drink at Sunday too. Not too much, but more than a glass of sure.
Braking up the rules were very seldom. Maybe in special weeks with holydays.
But this special weeks like end of the year or vacation became more than more to phases with uncontrolled drinking. Day after day. Never I had enough. I start with drinking on 4 p.m. and stop maybe six hours later, falling in bed like a stone, woke up several hours later with a tangling head and had a hard morning. Uncountable shame attacks when i realized that I didn’t remember exactly the evening last day. The bad feeling bringing all the glass to the container. Bottle, after bottle crashed with noise in. The head is turning, the stomach felt uncomfortable. Me getting older and older, struggle more with the effect on my body. I felt exhausted, my face was swollen, my BMI wasn’t in the green range. The effect on my brain was the other signal. Often i forgot things. And I forgot them complete. Even if it were without any doubt that i did this or that or had forgotten to do it, i wasn’t able to remember. Ok, i was anb still, a very busy Workoholic. Everybody forgive me, if i forgot something. Everybody said, thats clear, you have such a big workload, that’s normal. But I knew, it was nothing else than the alcohol.
As I get older, I wasn’t able longer to ignore the truth. You have to give a sacrifice. You sacrifice your freedom, your healthy and the ability to make the best of your life.